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Don Boivin's avatar

Excellent writing and thoughtful interpretations of the Bible, Dan! I like your view of the anger you felt toward your high school friend as a protective device. I had a very similar experience with my cousin, who was my best and intimate friend through high school and for 15 years beyond. But I was becoming uncomfortable with his attitude and then we got into a big fight and we never spoke again until last year (I am 59 now). When we met up last year, he said, "We don't have to talk about it." (and we also "don't have to talk about" politics since his views are the opposite of mine).But the thing is, I wanted to talk about it. Not politics, I mean about the reason we had stopped talking. We didn't. Afterward, viewing his interactions on Facebook, I saw that he had become a cruel person, which was in part my issues when we were young. The upshot is that I now see that my anger was also protecting me. I thank you for permission to have had that, for staying away, because often I wondered if I just was being a scaredy cat not looking him up and trying to make up. I'm glad we met up, because he is my first cousin, and we see each other occasionally at functions (until now I just kept my distance or didn't go to the function) and it will be more comfortable now, but we are not going to resume our friendship. My choice.

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Dan Ehrenkrantz's avatar

Anger can have value. But once that value has been provided, the trick (for me) is to integrate whatever valuable lessons and actions the anger provided and then to allow my anger to be cared for the way I might take care of an angry toddler. “There there…that thing happened. Did it make you angry? How do you feel now? Still angry? We can sit together for as long as you like.” After a while, the toddler has fully felt their anger and is ready to move on to other things.

The thing happened. The lessons are learned and appropriate actions taken. And then the anger (with a caring embrace) can be released.

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