This was a super interesting and thought-provoking read. It really is true that the physiological reactions can sometimes be the egg that hatches the chicken of increased emotional response. Thank you for this!
The connection between emotions and predictive models is intriguing. I appreciate your openness to various approaches in dealing with anger. Looking forward to your upcoming posts on this fascinating subject!
Internal Family Systems (IFS) frames emotions like anger as reactions a part of us has when an event/interaction either reminds us of a past injury or is perceived as a threat. The part that is angry seeks to protect us from harm, internally or externally. In IFS we are asked to turn toward the anger to see what's going on, not to dismiss it, push it away or gaslight it. Your last paragraph-- your search for a more organic relationship to anger-- made me wonder if IFS might have something to say about forgiveness as well.
Thank you so much for sharing your "not so random" thoughts. Always very interesting, truthful and thought provoking. I look forward to the next installment!
😊 You anticipated where I’m going. IFS is one of the two approaches I’ll be writing about next. I expect that will complete my exploration of psychological insights into anger (for now). Next stop will be religion.
Forgiveness as an antidote to anger?? Is anger that tightly focused, such that a particular forgiving vow can extinguish it? I say "vow" because forgiving thoughts can come and go, and thus what you're attempting to counteract; surely returns. Actually, in some people anger is general. It is the preferred go-to emotion, a panacea for every occasion. Its use is to push everyone away, in that I'm forever fearful of my boundary issues, so I am anti-social. I have jettisoned all interpersonal skills. So where would forgiveness enter the formula there?
Forgiveness is actually the antidote to blame. That is more tightly focused. But you don't forgive blame, you just stop blaming. (Well, I can't stop; everybody saw him do it!) Well, that is the trick to defuse anger, if you can master it. You must tell yourself another interpreted story, one where your expectation is not (so much) violated. Basically you are broadening you expectations to take into account how other people might act. They were raised with certain belief systems that are not aligned with yours. You don't know what they are in a heterogeneous society.
You said, "Knowing what’s best for me and doing what’s best for me aren’t the same thing." I would say no; if you really KNOW what is best for you, you will do it. If someone tells you "what is best for you", be it a book or a bible, and by their exquisite logic, you might do it once or twice, BUT YOU DON'T OWN IT. It will be a constant struggle to conform.
You say "if love is making you unhappy". Wow, there is so much confusion about what is love, desire, hormones, security, prestige, convenience, I think I could list dozens of words that sneek under the blanket definition of love. I believe you have to handle each of these components by itself, and not disguised as "love".
OF COURSE, emotions are a combination of a physical feeling and its interpretation (a thought). You talk about "expectations" or you say "predictions", we expect everyone to be like us, at least to follow traffic laws like we attempt to do. But defensive driving means allowing a safety margin around your vehicle. Give others a wide berth, don't follow too close, don't count on others to "save your life", don't go much faster than those around you so that you have breaking time. Most of all, don't be sight-seeing, but watch everyone's moves or potential moves. If you don't do that you can be "angry" with yourself. Predictive models ARE expectations, we need them, but we can also leave them open for a constant update.
Going down the stairs just means holding the rail, or having your hand "cocked" to grab the rail. How can you be angry at a "misplaced brick"?
I don't think you will shout at your boss or family member if there is a system of redress. And maybe there isn't. Then you playing the game of gradually raising the stakes, because that is how society holds that you are finally serious about this one. Too bad society is bent in that way.
If managing emotions means suppressing them (because that other way is so logical), then I see it as all wrong. If you say someone deserves anger, but as a contrarian I am going to give them love instead, well now we are talking about religions imperatives, which haven't changed basic society for 1,000's of years. You can claim it does change things (on the surface), but when push comes to shove, we're back in the same boat.
CBT noticing, depends on the "fed-up-factor". After 100's of repeats, the flash of anger happens before you can notice anything. Somehow there are "techniques that can moderate that feeling". Or, you can be angry but not act it out. (Is that suppression?) Equanimity is not something that you find, it is something that you create. When you realize its value, you are always creating it. Or it just becomes your second nature. It becomes by definition "who you are".
Looking forward to your post on emotional courage.
This was very interesting! I hadn’t read about anger and predictive models — you’ve given me some food for thought!
This was a super interesting and thought-provoking read. It really is true that the physiological reactions can sometimes be the egg that hatches the chicken of increased emotional response. Thank you for this!
The connection between emotions and predictive models is intriguing. I appreciate your openness to various approaches in dealing with anger. Looking forward to your upcoming posts on this fascinating subject!
Internal Family Systems (IFS) frames emotions like anger as reactions a part of us has when an event/interaction either reminds us of a past injury or is perceived as a threat. The part that is angry seeks to protect us from harm, internally or externally. In IFS we are asked to turn toward the anger to see what's going on, not to dismiss it, push it away or gaslight it. Your last paragraph-- your search for a more organic relationship to anger-- made me wonder if IFS might have something to say about forgiveness as well.
Thank you so much for sharing your "not so random" thoughts. Always very interesting, truthful and thought provoking. I look forward to the next installment!
You raise good points here. There is also a subtle difference between forgiveness and mercy which is worth contemplating/ exploring :)
😊 You anticipated where I’m going. IFS is one of the two approaches I’ll be writing about next. I expect that will complete my exploration of psychological insights into anger (for now). Next stop will be religion.
Forgiveness as an antidote to anger?? Is anger that tightly focused, such that a particular forgiving vow can extinguish it? I say "vow" because forgiving thoughts can come and go, and thus what you're attempting to counteract; surely returns. Actually, in some people anger is general. It is the preferred go-to emotion, a panacea for every occasion. Its use is to push everyone away, in that I'm forever fearful of my boundary issues, so I am anti-social. I have jettisoned all interpersonal skills. So where would forgiveness enter the formula there?
Forgiveness is actually the antidote to blame. That is more tightly focused. But you don't forgive blame, you just stop blaming. (Well, I can't stop; everybody saw him do it!) Well, that is the trick to defuse anger, if you can master it. You must tell yourself another interpreted story, one where your expectation is not (so much) violated. Basically you are broadening you expectations to take into account how other people might act. They were raised with certain belief systems that are not aligned with yours. You don't know what they are in a heterogeneous society.
You said, "Knowing what’s best for me and doing what’s best for me aren’t the same thing." I would say no; if you really KNOW what is best for you, you will do it. If someone tells you "what is best for you", be it a book or a bible, and by their exquisite logic, you might do it once or twice, BUT YOU DON'T OWN IT. It will be a constant struggle to conform.
You say "if love is making you unhappy". Wow, there is so much confusion about what is love, desire, hormones, security, prestige, convenience, I think I could list dozens of words that sneek under the blanket definition of love. I believe you have to handle each of these components by itself, and not disguised as "love".
OF COURSE, emotions are a combination of a physical feeling and its interpretation (a thought). You talk about "expectations" or you say "predictions", we expect everyone to be like us, at least to follow traffic laws like we attempt to do. But defensive driving means allowing a safety margin around your vehicle. Give others a wide berth, don't follow too close, don't count on others to "save your life", don't go much faster than those around you so that you have breaking time. Most of all, don't be sight-seeing, but watch everyone's moves or potential moves. If you don't do that you can be "angry" with yourself. Predictive models ARE expectations, we need them, but we can also leave them open for a constant update.
Going down the stairs just means holding the rail, or having your hand "cocked" to grab the rail. How can you be angry at a "misplaced brick"?
I don't think you will shout at your boss or family member if there is a system of redress. And maybe there isn't. Then you playing the game of gradually raising the stakes, because that is how society holds that you are finally serious about this one. Too bad society is bent in that way.
If managing emotions means suppressing them (because that other way is so logical), then I see it as all wrong. If you say someone deserves anger, but as a contrarian I am going to give them love instead, well now we are talking about religions imperatives, which haven't changed basic society for 1,000's of years. You can claim it does change things (on the surface), but when push comes to shove, we're back in the same boat.
CBT noticing, depends on the "fed-up-factor". After 100's of repeats, the flash of anger happens before you can notice anything. Somehow there are "techniques that can moderate that feeling". Or, you can be angry but not act it out. (Is that suppression?) Equanimity is not something that you find, it is something that you create. When you realize its value, you are always creating it. Or it just becomes your second nature. It becomes by definition "who you are".
Looking forward to your post on emotional courage.
.