Don't Make New Year's Resolutions. Do This Instead.
On January 1, 1863, Mark Twain wrote,
Yesterday, everybody smoked his last cigar, took his last drink, and swore his last oath. Today, we are a pious and exemplary community. Thirty days from now, we shall have cast our reformation to the winds...We shall also reflect pleasantly upon how we did the same old thing last year about this time.
Willpower is a limited resource. When we get enough sleep, are well fed, and feel a sense of personal safety and self-worth, our willpower stores are high. But we inevitably get tired and hungry. And our sense of personal safety and self-worth tends to fluctuate when life doesn’t follow our preferred script—which occurs regularly.
When our willpower stores are high, we believe we will be able to follow through on whatever course of action we decide upon. And if our willpower stores were always high, we probably would have that ability. But if behavioral change requires that our willpower stores are always high, then it’s likely we will eventually “cast our reformation to the winds.”
Action vs. Resolution
I have enough experience to know that Mark Twain’s New Year’s observation applies to me. And because it applies to me, I have an impulse to avoid taking any steps toward change. If I don’t try, I can’t fail.
To get past this impulse to do nothing, instead of making a resolution that I might not keep, I take a tiny step towards changing my behavior.
I begin with my idealized vision of change and then think of a very small action that will move me one step closer to it. For example, if my idealized vision is “I will meditate for twenty minutes every morning,” a small action might be “I will place ‘meditate for two minutes’ on my calendar for two days each week during the month of January.”
And then, with my willpower high, I will immediately follow through. “Meditate” will appear on my calendar from 7:35 a.m.-7:37 a.m. eight times in January with a reminder message scheduled to pop up at 7:30 a.m.
Perhaps I will ignore my calendar’s reminders. But it’s likely there will be some days I meditate. And sometimes for longer than two minutes.
After a few weeks, instead of being a person who wants to meditate for twenty minutes each day, I will be a person who sometimes meditates.
At the end of January, I will decide what, if anything, I want to place on my calendar for February.
Making Effort Effortless
It’s hard to get myself to change, even if the change has clear benefits.
Even though I like walking and how I feel after taking a walk, it’s still often hard to get myself out the door. Similarly, I don’t like making the effort to write. But I like writing, and I like sharing what I’ve written.
I don’t like making an effort. But I like the results making an effort brings.
It’s possible my spirit animal is a sloth.
I need structures in place to help me make behavioral changes. For example, if the only time I did yoga was when I was at home by myself, I wouldn’t maintain a regular practice. So a few days a week, I put on a pair of shorts, get in my car, and drive to a yoga studio. From there, the yoga takes care of itself.
Positive behavioral change has its own virtuous feedback loop. It tends to feel good. And if it feels good, I want to do it more. In this way, I’m not complicated.
My biggest impediment to change is the effort required to take the first step. I need that first step to be as effortless as possible. Putting something on my calendar, without adding the internal message that I have to follow through, takes very little effort. And it helps me overcome my greatest obstacle. I’ve begun.
Making small changes to your physical environment also takes very little effort. For example, I keep my gym shorts right next to my underwear. I need all the help I can get.
If you’re prone to making New Year’s resolutions you usually don’t keep, try thinking small. And if you’re a person who doesn’t make New Year’s resolutions because you don’t want to set yourself up for failure, then don’t make a resolution. Instead, do something.
What is a small, non-threatening action you could take to move you one step closer to an idealized behavioral change you would like to make?
If you want, you can take that very small action right now. You never know where it might lead.
I wish you and the world at large, peace and blessings for 2023.