I don’t like spam emails. Usually, I move through these emails without drama, deleting them or ignoring them depending on my mood. Occasionally, I notice that my inbox is too filled with spam, and I unsubscribe. I meet the annoying existence of spam without resistance. I may ignore the emails, delete them, or unsubscribe, but I don’t resist them — even though I would prefer they didn’t exist.
On rare occasions, I become truly resentful of the imposition these emails make on my time and attention. On these occasions, the existence of these emails serves as an emotional trigger. I have thoughts like “This is so annoying!” and “Leave me alone!”
When I have these thoughts, I’m not taking any particular action. To a casual observer, it would look as if I was moving through my inbox as I normally do. But on the inside, there is a small fight taking place. I am waging an internal war against the existence of spam.
The senders of spam emails are unmoved by my internal war.
Most of the time, the existence of spam emails doesn’t change my mental or emotional state. Spam emails exist. I would prefer they didn’t exist, but I usually accept the fact of their existence without waging an internal war. I allow, rather than resist, the existence of spam emails.
Allow Everything to Be as It Is
A frequently misunderstood spiritual instruction is Allow everything to be as it is. In a recent post, I struck a similar note, suggesting that the way to experience freedom is to grant everyone, including yourself, the freedom to be exactly as they are.
Discussions prompted by my last post reminded me that these words are easy to say (and write) but hard to understand.
The most frequent misunderstanding arises because, in some contexts, allow implies inaction. For example, “Should I allow my dog to keep barking outside at 6:00 a.m.?” poses the question of whether I should refrain from taking action regarding my barking dog.
[If any of my neighbors happen to be reading this, they may be happy to learn that my response is “No, I should not allow my dog to keep barking at 6:00 a.m.”]
I have heard spiritual teachers say that the statement Allow everything to be as it is means to be still and take no action. These teachers say there are times for allowing (inaction) such as during prayer and meditation, and there are times to work for change (action).
I disagree with these teachers. Allow everything to be as it is has nothing to do with discerning the right times for action and inaction. The teaching applies at all times and to all situations.
Learning from Spam Emails
When I encounter spam emails, sometimes I act to unsubscribe or delete. And sometimes I don’t act, choosing to ignore. In either case, spam emails exist without eliciting any resistance from me. If I avoid my inner war against them, I allow spam emails to be as they are.
Notice that allowing here has nothing to do with my actions. And allowing has nothing to do with condoning or permitting. Whether I’m allowing or waging my internal war, I always wish spam emails didn’t exist.
When applied to spam emails, Allow everything to be as it is doesn’t mean take no action. It means don’t resist the reality of the existence of spam emails. It means I should accept that spam emails exist and refrain from waging my inner war.
Resisting Reality
When I read the news, I often experience resistance. My internal voice will yell “this is not how the world should be!” Sometimes it’s difficult for me to accept that the world contains what it contains. Again, accepting doesn’t mean condoning.
Just as with spam emails, the news doesn’t change based on my level of agitation.
And it’s not just the news. Life provides endless opportunities for ineffectually resisting reality. The other drivers on the road drive the way they drive. The weather is what the weather is. People behave in the strange ways that people behave.
I may prefer that things were different. But when my preferences aren’t satisfied, I don’t need to slip into resistance. Instead, I can accept that things are the way they are.
I wish we had better words than accept, allow, and don’t resist. To my ear, Don’t resist the existence of everything that exists or Accept that everything is as it is, are as likely to be misunderstood as Allow everything to be as it is.
Whether I allow it or don’t allow it, in every moment, everything will be exactly as it is. Allowing isn’t a commentary on whether I approve. Nor is it a prescription for action or inaction. Allowing provides an internal experience of not resisting that the world contains what it contains.
Allowing is a Starting Point
This sort of allowing helps me see things more clearly. And it enables me to use my energy wisely. Instead of using energy wishing that the world was different, or that people behaved the way I want them to behave, I can apply my energy to how the world, and people, actually are.
Should a person in a truly horrific situation allow everything to be as it is?
Yes. Remember, allowing doesn’t mean inaction. Nor does allowing mean condoning or approving. Allowing means that you stop fighting the fact that reality contains what it contains. This provides a starting point from which you can choose your actions.
Take a moment to allow everything to be as it is. Stop arguing with reality.
Your colleagues, friends, and family don’t always treat you the way you would like to be treated.
Breathe.
The state of the world isn’t what you think it should be.
Breathe.
Don’t resist. Allow everything to be as it is.
When you allow everything to be as it is, it doesn’t alter the world around you. It alters your experience. In this way, allowing everything to be as it is, changes you. And by changing you, it may change what happens next.